London bombing: I survived 7/7, however nonetheless have a look at suicide bomber in every single place

Two many years have handed for the reason that 2005 London assaults, however the face of the primary suicide bomber, Mohammad Sidik Khan, by no means left the reminiscence of Dan Bidl.

It appears as actual at this time as they noticed in one another's eyes.

“I can be in the kitchen and he stands in the garden,” says Dan, who has a fancy post-tract stress dysfunction.

“He is there, dressed as that day, holding Ruksack, just with his hand, about exploding it again.”

Even if Dan seems away, the bombers are nonetheless when he seems again.

“I saw that this man really separates himself in front of me, and now I am watching him again.”

Warning: In this text some readers might know disaster

Dan was on 7 July 2005 at a distance to the touch the space of the mine in a rush-hour London underground circle line prepare. How he survived is past rational rationalization.

“As we took out of the Edgware Road station, I could feel that someone was staring at me. I was just about to roam and used to say, 'What are you looking at?'

“And then there was an opulent white, vivid flash – like summer season as I by no means skilled earlier than.”

Khan had a homemade bomb blast – an al -Qaeda -Diwani was made using a chemical recipe – that he was carrying it in his rooksack.

The device killed both David Fallks, 22, Jennifer Nicolson, 24, Laura Web, 29, Jonathan Downey, 34, Colin Morley and Michael Bruster.

overall, 52 people were killed that dayFour bombs exploded by Islamist extremists. Another 770 injured.

Dan was blown out of the train, hit the tunnel wall and fell into a crawl space between the tunnel wall and the track.

His injuries were frightening. His left leg was blown. His right leg was dropped from the knee. He faced burning of second and third degrees on his arms, hands and face. He lost his left eye – and also hearing on that side.

He had to face a large -scale lacquer on his forehead. A pole went into her body from the internal fitting of the tube train and finished puncturing and breaking her kidneys, lungs, colon and bowel. Later he lost his spleen.

Dan was the most seriously injured victim of attacks to survive. And he was conscious.

He initially thought that white flash was an electric explosion.

The debris fell on him, and his hands and hands were dissolving. He could see the flames flickering.

“After the explosion, you might take heed to a pin drop. It was virtually the identical as everybody had simply breathed an enormous breath,” Dan, “after which it was like opening the doorways of hell. I’ve by no means heard earlier than.

Dan might see a few of the lifeless. He tried to push himself down for the liver with the rubble. He felt how deep he was bleeding.

“The initial feeling was one of the total mistakes. It was definitely like God, it is just a bad dream.”

Dan's thoughts instantly turned to his father, and the way he couldn’t do it for him.

“My father cannot be the person who walks in a morchary and goes, 'Yes, this is my son',” says Dan. “I couldn't consider him.”

He didn’t imagine that he would come out of the tunnel. But the need was kicked within the want to outlive simply and she or he shouted for assist.

The first individual to reply was the guy passenger Adrian Heley, who served as a fighter medication throughout the Kosovo conflict. If it was another person, Dan believes he should have died.

“The first thing he said to me, 'Don't worry, I have been in this position first, and never lost anyone.”

“And I am thinking, 'How can you go before?”

“And then he told me: 'I am not going to lie to you. It is really going to hurt.”

Adrian carried out a tournicate and closed the artery in Dan's thigh to kill him. Dan's life was really within the arms of Adrian till paramedics weren’t in a position to attain him after about half an hour.

Adrians helped many extra within the following hours – and acquired the queen's reward for bravery in 2009.

Dan's trauma was over. He was rushed to a close-by St. Mary Hospital, the place he repeatedly moved to cardiac arrest. At one level, a surgeon needed to manually therapeutic massage his coronary heart to deliver it again to life. He was given 87 models of blood.

“I think we all have something – that the fundamental desire to live.

“Very few folks ever push as much as the diploma the place it’s required.

“My existence is below for adrion and unprecedented care and NHS and my wife's only talent.”

Physical existence was one factor. But Dan had one other toll on psychological well being.

After eight weeks in an induced coma, Dan started a yr -old journey to depart the hospital – and he felt that he must navigate the world otherwise.

Their nights had been consumed by psychological torture.

He grew to become dreadful to shut his eyes and fall asleep, as he would discover himself again within the tunnel.

“I woke up and [the bomber] Standing next to me, “Dan says.” I will drive – he is on the back seat of my car. I will look at the shop window and have a reflection – on the other side of the road. ,

Those flashbacks have described Dan as the crime of a survivor.

“I’ve repeated that second once more in my head 1,000,000 occasions. Was there something about me that did it to him? Should I be seen one thing about him after which tried to cease it?”

By 2013, Dan had reduced a dangerous. He tried to kill his life three times.

But he had also started a relationship with his wife's gem – and it was a significant turn.

The next time he came close to suicide, it was Mani's face when he saw that he closed his eyes, and realized that if he ends his life, he provokes the trauma on him.

Mani persuaded Dan to evaluate a mental health – and he began to achieve the need for experts.

In 2014 he agreed – as part of his medical and attempted to manage the situation – to do something that he would never do: return to Edgware Road.

When the day came, the Dan was experiencing a flashback outside the station and listening to the sound of 7/7 again: screaming, shouting and siren.

He and Mani pressed. As soon as he entered the ticket hall, there were more flashbacks.

The station managers and employees were expecting them and asked if he wanted to go on the stage. Dan said it was a “far -fetched bridge”. Mani insisted that they all go together.

When they reached the stage, a train was pulled inside. Dan began to feel ill. But the train left quietly without any incident – and by the time a third train arrived, it got the courage to ride in it.

“I actually really feel, actually unwell. I’m sweating. She is crying. I get tight, ready for an explosion. I’m ready for that large warmth and that stress.”

And then the train stopped at the point in the tunnel where the bomb was closed – an arrangement between the driver and the station manager.

“They used to cease the prepare on the precise place the place I used to be mendacity. I keep in mind that I used to be wanting down on the ground and it was actually an odd feeling – realizing that my life was actually ended there.”

As soon as the train went away, some inside Dan urged him to land at the next station and move forward with his life.

“I’m going to depart the station, no matter I’m going to do at this time, I’m going to do, after which I’m going to marry this superb, lovely girl,” he says. The two tied the knot the next year.

Eleven years old, Dan feels inspired to do something positive with his life.

Now he helps his own company to disabled people in work – a professional journey that he would never have done was not for the bomb.

He still has flashbacks and bad days, but he is looking for ways to manage them – and has published a book of what he has done.

“I’m nonetheless very fortunate to outlive. I’ve paid an enormous, heavy value. I’ll simply hold preventing every single day to make sure that he and his duties by no means win.”

A listing of organizations within the UK provided assist and knowledge with some problems with this story BBC Action Line